Vigorously Lazy

with Christopher Heavener

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Thursday, September 10th

Better Book Cover Design of the Week: Ink and Paint Edition.

After roughly three or four years sitting in front of a computer one can get a little sick of pouring over images created on a computer. Let’s take a refreshing look at a lo-tech, high-skill way of producing a palatable cover…

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Looking more like sale sign in a store front window than a book cover, Lauren Weber’s treatise on keeping things frugal uses its mistakes to its advantage. Why spend the money on a fresh piece of paper when you could do the grade school trick of erasing your mistakes and drawing over them bigger and brighter?

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Bad Seed follows up And The Ass Saw The Angel two decades later with a story of a traveling salesman with a taste for seducing the women to whom he sells his beauty products. Things get upended in Bunny’s world when his wife commits suicide, thus sending him on a journey with his son, Bunny Jr., to try and escape the guilt he feels and the devil-horned madman who seems to be chasing them.

The UK cover bears mentioning due to its bad-assness and could fill a spot in this department on its own, but we’ve got a theme here and we’re sticking to it.

The US cover veers dangerously close to some sort of Sunset Strip, Ed Hardy, Chateau Marmont bullshit with the pinks and yellows and gothic lettering. It barely (just barely!) gets saved by the smudgy charcoal drawing and the presence of Nick Cave’s name, which could take even the corniest, sequined-est, fake-tanned-est thing and make it cool.

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The most compelling title of the bunch is David Small’s Stitches. The memoir of a fucked up childhood, which may sound kind of standard fare for most memoirs, but sounds a hell of a lot more interesting when you find out it’s in graphic novel form by an award-winning children’s author.

Small’s washed out water colors seem like the perfect fit for a story about Kafka-dream/nightmare-reality wherein you wake up one day, you cannot speak and you are told you are expected to die soon.

Summation: Fuck computers. Let’s sling some ink.

Monday, September 7th

The Owl and the Alligator.

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Friday, September 4th

Cover Songs.

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So we were all set to print at the beginning of the week when I get a call from Jen saying that the trim size is too big. The printers contacted her saying that we were a quarter of an inch over what we were quoted and they couldn’t do it without switching machines and ordering new paper and ultimately costing thousands of dollars more. “That’s bullshit,” I said, and decided to call the printers. As I was dialing I remembered that we had, in fact, changed the print size two issues ago because of this same cost issue and I’m such a fucking idiotic simplton that I just plum forgot what size my own magazine was and gave Jen the wrong size from the get-go. Sound confusing? It is.

Nevertheless, Jen sighed, shook her head, silently cursed my unborn children and got to work re-formatting the entire magazine. And did it in one night. So we’re going to go out tonight and I’m going to buy her new buns because she worked hers clean off this week.

Oh, and this is the cover. It’s from Danny Jones’s series Dawn of Man which appears in the mag. And it’s the sexiest cover we’ve ever had the opportunity to print.

Thank you Jen and Danny and everyone else involved for being way more professional than me.

Thursday, September 3rd

Better Book Cover Design of the Week: Futura Edition.

How to fuck up a good title font:

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1. Put a cover blurb above the title that uses alliteration. This will be the first thing people see and will immidiately notify them that you do not give a shit how the cover of your book looks.

2. Put your title in with a time-tested reliable font. This will be the second thing that people see and it wil trick them into thinking that you might actually give a shit how your book cover looks.

3. Put in a long-ass subtitle that seems the requisite for most non-fiction books aimed at scarring parents into a fever-frenzy of buying, buying, buying things that might possibly make their manufactured problems disappeared.

4. WE’VE SOLD A SHIT LOAD OF BOOKS! SO IT’S GOT TO BE GOOD! RIGHT?! TEN MILLION PARENTS WHIPPED INTO PANIC-Y CONSUMER MODE CAN’T BE WRONG!

5. By this point it’s clear to the viewer that you do not give one microscopic fecal choliform cell about how your book cover looks, but they are trapped now and must finish viewing. So throw in a cluttered image that bluntly illustrates your point.

6. Fuck, you forgot to put in the author’s name. Just put it over the cluttered image. Wait, you can’t put it there, no one will be able to read it. I know, who gives a shit about the author, but she’ll raise a big stink about it. Just throw it in a gold box or something. That feels like an afterthought though. Probably because it is.

7. Looking a little too uniform? How about throwing all ideas about consistency and cohesiveness out the window by changing all the fonts and making them completely different from one another? Congratulations, you fucked up a perfectly good title font.

How to use a good title font correctly:

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1. Get that cover blurb away from the top and make it work within the title itself. What’s that? It’s not the first thing you see? So fucking what. If you need Machiko Kakutani to tell you what books to buy you shouldn’t be trusted with money.

2. Two colors.

3. Hey, look at that, it’s the authors name in a clear and legible place at the bottom. And it’s in the same fucking font as the title. Imagine that.

Tuesday, September 1st

Notes to Molly.

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Old Chicago bud Chris Bower has adapted a story he wrote for our very first (and currently out of print) issue into a short play that will start its run this weekend. Go check it out if you live in the area and enjoy turbulent relationships and mysterious fish!

Tuesday, September 1st

Gala.

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Dear friend and issue five contributor Bryan “Bear” Soderlind recently uploaded a cache of photo gold. He exhaustively covered the 32nd Annual Orlando Gala. For decades it has been considered the social event of the season not because everyone dresses their best and looks fantastic, but because of all the scandalicious activities that take place there.

Check out the facebook album.

Speaking of facebooks, don’t forget to add yourself to the Annalema page while you’re there!

Monday, August 31st

Crawl.

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We tried to send it off last night, guys, we really did. May have celebrated too early cause redwine and curry got the best of us, making it too hard to comprehend how to make a PDF. Hopefully sending off today. Been a surreal couple of weeks putting this thing together. Jen and I have worked ourselves to the bone trying to make this thing good. Well, Jen mostly. I just sat back and offered my uninformed opinion most of the time, to which she would swat down like a beach volleyball player attacking a high and slow serve. It’s for the best though. Jen has made this thing the best issue yet. Without a doubt.

Friday, August 28th

Roster.

Picture 3We’re still pretty darn excited about all the exciting things happening around here lately that we’re going keep the excitement going with the announcement of the exciting roster of writers and imagers for issue five, an issue that we’re a little more than excited about!

FICTION

Everything Is So Goddamn Great
Story by Megan Stielstra
Images by Josh Letchworth

Line of Scrimmage
Story by BJ Hollars
Images by Chase Heavener

Craig was a Retard
Story by Jay Riggio
Images by Bryan Soderlind

What I Love About History
Story by Angi Becker Stevens
Images by Sarah McNeil

Grillz
Story by Laura Owen
Images by Suzanne Walsh

Larry
Story by Jill Summers
Images by Max Kaufman

The King of the Jews
Story by Dan Moreau
Images by Josh Letchworth

Barber vs. Heart Disease
Story by William Walsh
Images by Alexander Martinez

Waste
Story by Amelia Gray
Images by Lauren Nassef

We Will All Get Better and Then We Will Get Worse
Story by Kuzhali Manickavel
Images by Erika Somogyi (above image taken from this story)

NON-FICTION

Mi Madrileno
Essay by Molly Each
Image by Nate Twombly

Reimagining the National Border Patrol Museum
Essay by Anne Elizabeth Moore
Images by Wheat Wurtzburger

PHOTO

Punta Cometa by Jaime Martinez

ART

Dawn of Man by Danny Jones

Holyfuckingshitthisisgoingtobesogoodyoudon’tevenknow!

Thursday, August 27th

Welcome.

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Oh, hi there! I almost didn’t notice you over all of this beautiful content.

Welcome to the new site! Had kind of a shaky launch, but here we are. We’ve been working on this site for a few months now and we hope you thoroughly enjoy it. Click around, read a few stories, watch the Mark Janeki video (I’ll be posting some outtakes from that here in the blog in a few days) and most importantly, give our print section a looksee. What are you waiting for? Go! Go!

Tuesday, August 18th

Friction.

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In more-people-stealing-my-ideas news: the people at Sing Statistics took the idea of publishing stories and illustrations together and took it to dizzying new heights with We Are the Friction. An eyebrow-raisingly impressive list of contributors makes this collection look like a must have for the small-press collector/fiend in your life. The Brits done did it again.